Yes, painful. But necessary.

“That’s the thing about pain, it demands to be felt.” This has been one of the lessons I learned from a Hollywood film I dearly love. As I’d contemplate the reason, I couldn’t seem to find the aptly correct answers.

Admittedly, I haven’t fully embraced the idea of it. To think of it, it is as tormenting as any other torture I could ever imagine. I really don’t understand why I should. From the beginning, I’ve thought life, almost everything in it, was meant to be under my control — even my emotions and feelings.

I am wrong. I was doing it wrong all along.

Last week (October 28 to November 3), I was able to participate for the annual Living Waters Leadership Training in Santol, La Union. I didn’t know what to expect aside from the fact that the church I am attending held its pilot (17 weeks) and I joined. On one hand, I may have been familiar with what Living Waters is all about. On the other, my mind still wondered on the things that Daddy God could do. I was worried and expectant at the same time, to say the least.

For the past years since after I professed my faith to Christ Jesus, I have been very expressive and vocal how it’s constantly changing me and my life.

Read more: https://www.facebook.com/davidssanjose/posts/10207313780543956:0

Read also: https://www.facebook.com/davidssanjose/posts/10209880933321171

Read also: https://davidssanjose.wordpress.com/2017/06/13/of-acne-pride-and-independence/

However, I acknowledge the distance I’ve already walked from the point where I came and I also see how far I am from the person God wants me to be. Attending this conference has allowed me to see that I still have a lot to bring to Christ Jesus’ cross, which I myself have knowingly and unknowingly stopped from doing so.

I also had the small group where I also confided and with whom I found my safe place. I really thank Jesus for the shared lives.

Small Group

There were many topics that really have moved me but one has deeply convinced me to repent — idols in my heart. The pastor who was teaching that night made clear and put the matter to light when he began telling the story of Elijah and the 800 prophets who happened to challenge the God of Elijah, my Daddy God.

The things I turn to every time I am sad, angry, upset and frustrated are my secret sins and other things like hatred, pride and people I idolize so much. These represent the idols of the prophets that Elijah put to shame. As the pastor elaborated, these idols are nothing but some things that will disappoint, dehumanize, desecrate, demonize and destroy. They cannot even come close to what God has to offer.

If you were to read the story further, after summoning their idols, being frustrated with the response they got from them (basically, nothing) and realizing how they put to shame the Lord God, the prophets who dared Elijah began to kneel and worship Him. That was the same response I made after realizing what I was repeatedly doing.

Going back to the pains and wounds, I am moved to begin my healing journey by feeling them. Little by little and one at a time. Allow Jesus to fix what was torn, and mend what was tattered thread by thread.

So, today, I have decided to never let every idol that seated in my heart hinder me from the healing Daddy God delightedly has given me.

I had the courage to forgive and ask forgiveness from the people I love (my Papa and Mama).

img_2889-1

The healing journey is yet to begin and I cannot wait for the things Daddy God is about to do as I walk through this journey. I am so looking forward to it. Let’s get this on, Daddy God.

I also want to thank my prayer partners from GMA Midweeksters and friends outside GMA who have unceasingly begged and asked God for breakthrough for me. I love you guys and girls with Christ’s love!

In Christ,

David

  Continue reading “Yes, painful. But necessary.”

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Seminary diaries: Introduction to the Bible

Today began the second part of our Introduction to the Bible class comprising New Testament discussion and new professor.

Prior today’s class, we were given a couple of transcriptions on brief introduction to Judaism in the first century (14-page reading material) and videos on Intertestamental and New Testament Historical Background.

As part of today’s discussion, we should have related the information we have learned in our ministerial task. I was clueless what to write and discuss, but still tried my best to give insights though. So I shared with my group mates.

After hearing from my class mates, I assessed what I did was wrong. So it was my turn to discuss, I already expressed my loss of confidence with what I did and told the class I wasn’t able to fully grasp the materials perhaps. Haha! Professor Junette was so kind to console me (or the whole class) after my remarks.

Anyway, I just wanted to share that I have learned so much from today’s discussion especially about the Gospel of Mark on Christ’s hidden messiahship. Several passages were cited. Goosebumps overload and I was reminded of the song Transfiguration.

From the cloud You speak

What was veiled now is seen

Jesus the image of

The invisible God

Divinity confirmed

In the transfigured Word

A kingdom once concealed

On the earth now revealed

Holy is the Lord revealed before my eyes

And my burning heart can scarcely take it in

As I behold your beauty with unworthy eyes

The only song my soul can find to sing

Is Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah my King

Lead my longing heart

To the high ground, to the clear view

And in awe I’ll be there

Beholding You

Now I know

I have seen

The glory that cannot be unseen

I am changed

Changing still

As I look upon the Lord and believe

https://youtu.be/HLMtfq5epbw

In Christ,

David

Of acne, pride and independence

In the office earlier, I willingly opened to my officemates about how I honestly think how my acne started. I told them I wore too much make up in 2014. After I decided to follow Christ Jesus wholly in 2015, I also stopped acting my previous lifestyle and that includes wearing make ups. Then, acne started. However, while I was telling my story, I remembered everything I went through with my faith. It was such an encouragement to see everything in flashback. I was lifted from my recent frustration — thinking I would not be able to change; I was far from achieving it.

The conversation led me to two things Filipinos and active netizens have celebrated — pride and independence.

Over the past weekends, social media platforms joined in celebration of pride via emojis and buttons made specifically rainbows (🌈). 
Pride usually separates us from the loving presence of God. Pride would always mean to me as “I don’t need you, God. I am good without you.” I was full of it when I began acting my gender preference. I lived a promiscuous life. I went to places where I shouldn’t be. I did things which I was not supposed to be doing. The opinions of others wouldn’t matter and affect me at all. Eyes rolled to every opinion I heard about myself.

Started the week as the country celebrated its 119th Independence Day, everyone feels liberated. That was the exact thing I felt when I was wandering far from God. I corrupted the meaning of freedom by giving in to every temptation my flesh dictated. I wondered, “Finally, far from God, I am free to do everything I want.” The more I sought my own independence in this world, the more I became lost without purpose. Rubbish. Trash.

In all these, none satisfied. I tried to find love from men, friends and in this world, but it would’t come close to my soul. All I knew was I would measure up to this world, but my heart longed for something. Something heavenly. Something that’s not of this world. I then realized I am not of this world, which is corrupt and narcissistic just like the flesh I am in, and it came to my senses that there was a void that had to be filled. I was looking for something or someone that could fill it up. To my desperation, nothing and no one did.

I could have given up finding what could suffice here in my life, but one thing I hadn’t done, and that was to seek my Creator sincerely. The One Who crafted, molded and mastered me. The One Who holds my manual for use. The One Who calls the shot in my life. The Only One Who can fill the void; the void He created for which His love can only fit. The Only Word I needed to hear and which will lead me to LIFE.

From #kilaygoals to #faithgoals, in Christ Jesus I put my trust and confidence. Not in my good works. Not in my religion. Not in my wisdom. Only him. Only Jesus.

In Christ,

David

Photodump (2014&2015):

Who You are

Who You are

—-

I was rebellious

Wanted to take your place

You still loved me

I was lost

Ran far from your touch

You still sought me

I was afraid

Failed to walk on water

You patiently held me

I was sick

Almost bled to death

You healed me

I was blind

Chose not to see your grace

You opened my eyes

I sold you

Got my 30 pieces of silver

With mercy, You saw me

I lied

Denied you many times

With love, You pursued me

 

Jesus, You are everything

Everything I need

That’s who You are

In Christ,

David

25 things millennials shouldn’t hate about being 25

We have already counted a month since the year came anew. This year, we all are getting a year older, and hopefully, a year wiser. We owe that (growing wiser) to ourselves, at least. Don’t we?

I wouldn’t mind telling others I just turned a quarter of a century old this 4 days ago. Just like what others say, age is just a number.

We now bid farewells to our awkward days, thoughtless decisions and petty dramas. Gone are the embarrassing days at school, party-till-you-drop moments and luxury sponsored by our dear parents. Adulting has finally hit you!

Here are the 25 things I think we should not hate about being 25 (in random order, choose for yourselves what to prioritize, lol.)

  1. We should not hate the bond we are having with our parents right now. To tell you honestly, our parents are way cooler than they were 5 or 10 years ago. They are more understanding. Also, we are in the right mind to understand where they are coming from. They become more lenient with the decisions you make. From your former frenemies to now BFFs, they are the best midnight chit chatters.

 

  1. We should not hate that parents are still our number one critics. Despite the fact that they have become more understanding, they have also become more confident to affront us with their concerns or [lack for a better term] insults. Lol.

  

  1. We should not hate that people entrust us with bigger tasks at work, home and in life. As we get older, people see us as adults that are responsible. Obviously, we keep up with the standards people have placed on us.

 

  1. We should not hate that we still need help. I guess everyone still does. We have our own limitations. These are not indispensable. It’s a major let down to think otherwise — we all need our own support system, guys.

 

  1. We should not hate that we need to choose the people we trust. In support of the preceding point, we don’t want to share our problems with just anyone we know, right? Learn the value of choosing the right people.

  

  1. We should not hate the fact that we are adults. Yes, you! You are an adult, and people expect adult decisions and adult actions from you. It’s a good thing they expect something from us; we are forced to do better in everything.

 

  1. We should not hate that being a happy-go-lucky at this age wouldn’t be wise. Since we are already responsible adults, making irresponsible decisions may affect our future self; it is not wise and practical. Facing the consequences of our reckless decisions is such a waste of time, and you wouldn’t want the next 3 years of your life be a waste. Right?

 

  1. We should not hate the moments we feel lonely. We should not only cherish the happy moments, but the sad/lonely moments, too. Take note the word I used. It’s lonely, not alone. There were moments in my life that I felt lonely but I was always comforted by the fact that it won’t last. Such comes and goes. Learn to get used to it.

  

  1. We should not hate the love we are receiving [from family, friends, and concerned people]. At times, we tend to resist the love others give. We just don’t feel okay with it. But I have learned that the love and care they offer would help us mature in the way we look at the relationships we have with others right now.

 

  1. We should not hate that we also need corrections. I admit that I was perplexed with the concept of correction. I was so full of myself that I came to a point when no one would dare tell me what’s really right or wrong. Everything I would decide to do was right. Then, I realized that corrections only come from the people who truly love us. Thus, it would help us better ourselves.

 

  1. We should not hate that we ourselves must learn to correct others, too. Let’s admit there are things we know that others need to know, too. Just like us, they need pieces of advice and corrections as well.

  

  1. We should not hate the people who made us feel we are not enough. Looking back, we see many people who, intentionally or unintentionally, have made us feel inadequate and unimportant. They have not been able to find the good in us and that’s okay. As we look further, we may harbor hatred and anger; but what I suggest is we use it as a motivation to do and be better in life. Not that we show them they are wrong but to appease ourselves for the past hurts we felt.

 

  1. We should not hate the fact we are broke. While I was writing it, I can’t help but laugh about this point. It’s right to start saving early, but what do we do if we’re still broke at this age? I assume that you don’t want to stay broke and I am also certain you are looking for ways to earn a living. That’s fine. So, it’s better to start empty-handed than to end empty-handed. Being broke doesn’t necessarily mean you were irresponsible. I don’t know what you went through but keep on striving hard.

 

  1. We should not hate that everything we want must be worked for. As a kid, we are trained to work hard to get what we want. I think this too still applies even if we age 25 or more this year.

 

  1. We should not hate that failures are always a part of the process. It is better to fail than to regret not even trying. Isn’t it? Failing is failing on your attempt. Not doing it because you are afraid to fail is something worse than failures itself. Okay? Okay.

 

  1. We should not hate that we want to be entertained. Feel free to buy the latest gadget in the market [if you have the means, though.] There’s nothing wrong to be entertained every once in a while. Take a break.

 

  1. We should not hate ourselves for travelling. Go and see the world. You are entitled to it. You are a part of it. Appreciate a new culture. Taste a different cuisine. We have to enjoy every part of this world.

 

  1. We should not hate that being healthy is a must. In this age, we should be more mindful of how we take care of our body. We should already know what to eat or not to eat. We should have a balanced diet. We should keep a more active lifestyle.

 

  1. We should not hate the need to look good. Or professional, to say at least. It is not narcissistic to be mindful of how you look. It is good to allot money for clothes. We have to keep in mind that our looks have been always the first glance to our personalities. A dear friend once told me to invest for good clothes. Guess what, I took that piece of advice less serious and now, I regret it.

 

  1. We should not hate that hygiene is important. At our age, we shouldn’t disregard our bodies. We shouldn’t take this for granted. Personally, I have lost confidence after my pimples broke out. I was hopeless, but I have learned that hygiene, in general, must be considered as well.

 

  1. We should not hate that having me time is essential. It is not bad to have me time. Growing up, I was scared to be alone. However, I have to do some things alone. I have mastered the art of watching cinemas alone, eating in a restaurant/fast food chains alone, and going to places alone. I have to admit that being alone is the most liberating experience. I get to know myself better. On the contrary, the most dreadful moment to be alone is when you have problems.

 

  1. We should not hate ourselves for the things we have wrong in the past. Living for the past 24 years of my life, I have learned that forgiveness helps us to move forward. It is the act of knowing you are limited; you are weak and could miss the mark. To forgive yourself for all the wrong things you have done in your life will be of great help for you.

 

  1. We should not hate to love ourselves. The first person to love you is yourself. It will only happen as you begin to forgive yourself for everything.

 

  1. We should not hate the person we have become. You are who you are for every experience, failure, frustration, success and victory you went through. You are the best version of all that you were in the past. Look forward to what this life has in store for you.

 

  1. We should not hate the existence of God for the past 24 years of our lives. With everything I hold dear now, it is God’s gift. I even asked Him for it. I love how God works in me and through me. I couldn’t thank Him enough for all that He’s done. Even this lifetime is not enough to thank Him. I hope you do, too.

 

These are the things I have learned not to hate as I turned 25 this year. I hope you are inspired and can get something from this.

 

In Christ,

David

 

P.S. Please excuse the brevity of words and explanations. The pseudo-writer lacks vocabulary.

Reasons why I fast

Last week, Prayer and Fasting had begun. For me, fasting is not the most anticipated spiritual discipline. I wouldn’t just skip a meal or two. Such is death.

Every year since 2015, I started to fast with Victory churches. They begin each year with a week of fasting and also initiate a mid-year fasting. For two years now, I did both year starter and mid-year. I purposely joined not to tell myself that I could participate; but, to think that in my hunger, I would want God to work in my life. After all, it is what fasting is all about. It is about God. It is more about knowing Him. 

I want to share the reasons why I fast.

  • When I fast, I get to consecrate myself to God. It is said in the Bible to consecrate yourselves for tomorrow, God will do wonders among you. (Joshua 3:5) To consecrate ourselves means to purify, sanctify ourselves or make ourselves holy to God. Please don’t get me wrong about this. It is not the food, which comes in our mouth that makes us unholy; rather, it is what comes from our hearts and mouths.

 

  • When I fast, I get to focus on Him (and not on what I have). In fasting, we do it with prayers. The time we should be eating would be the time we should be praying. Every time we pray, whom do we put our focus into? It is God. Isn’t it?

 

  • When I fast, I get to know Him more. It is the best time to know Him in a deeper way because fasting quiets our spirit and when we pray to God, we easily get what He wants to tell us.

 

  • When I fast, I get to see beautiful breakthroughs and results. One of the beautiful breakthroughs after I fasted for three days was I stopped smoking cigarettes. It was hard to stop from an addiction and I think that was one of the breakthroughs that I dearly cherish.

 

  • When I fast, Jesus reveals himself in a more personal way. He offers personal relationships to us, and all we can do is to accept him. It is in our hands, our choice. When we empty ourselves in fast, he shows himself as our strength because he loves us and wants us to enjoy it.

 

On Saturday morning, I broke the fasting while feasting. Hehe. I kid! These are just few of my experiences every time I fast. I know there are many revelations to every Christian who fasts. I am encouraged to hear answered prayers after they fast. I cannot wait to hear yours.

 

 

 In Christ,

David

Open Minded ka ba? v2

This is the sequel of my blog entry about the conference I attended a week ago. I want to share this experience to stir your hearts and entertain miracle thoughts because it really does happen if you believe.

So, before anything else, I also have to explain why I have resolved not to change the title after remembering what had all happened there. The title is known to be circulating in social platforms by netizens as they use this question an inside joke – and we all know why. Reading this blog post may require open-mindedness.

DAY 2

The conference was set to start by 2pm. The organizers considered the church’s attendance in the morning; hence, setting the conference in later time. It also worked well with the traffic (no congested roads and less commuters, too) because we arrived at the venue earlier. We got to choose the seats that are more comfortable.

At exactly 2pm, praise and worship started. I loved how it led us to the right atmosphere of worship. There was one song that really touched me and made me cry. The title of the song is Take Courage by Lindy Conant and Circuit Riders.

Above is the YouTube link of the song and I really recommend for you to listen to it.

As the worship concluded, Ps. Paul Yadal began to preach about God’s inheritance and mostly about King Uzziah.

At first, he cited one of the famous Bible stories that we know, Jacob’s story, to begin his preaching. Jacob, younger brother to Esau, stole his brother’s birthright by deceiving him with a meal. What a shallow thing to exchange with your birthright. Perhaps.

 After stealing it, things didn’t come easily for Jacob. He would have thought that stealing it would be an easy peasy for him. Yes, he got the blessing from his father Isaac. But do you think God honored the way Jacob did to get it? There were trials. There were sufferings. Jacob realized he did a terrible. He repented. He got disciplined just as every child should be.

Later on, Ps. Paul emphasized that every trial we face is a go-signal to call upon the Lord. He said so after Jacob was tired about everything. This led to his two points.

First was what overwhelms you will shake you.

Let me ask you first before I elaborate on his first point. What overwhelms you? Think about it.

There are many things that overwhelm us — our personal problems, problems concerning our family, careers, businesses, relationships, or even our problems with our faith, perhaps. Whatever it may be, this gets into our cores. It later on begins to shake us. The worst scenario would be it becomes our identity.

The promise is, there is one above that loves us unconditionally – our Heavenly Father.

You are not defined by the ministry you have. You are not defined by your failures and mistakes. Instead, you are defined by the love of the Father.

 Second point was what shakes you will release you.

In this point, came the story of King Uzziah in 2 Chronicles 26. Uzziah means the strength of God. He led at a young age of 16, not the youngest king to serve; perhaps, one of the youngest rulers that would ever be. Who serves at that age, anyway? None.

He was a great king. He was upright in the sight of the Lord. Everything changed. His pride led to his own downfall.

Our target is God’s presence and prosperity is God’s target for us, His people.

He sought more power and eventually thought of not needing God anymore. We can relate to that as we continuously ask for His blessings. It is good to His blessings but we should also ask His presence in our lives.

By asking God’s presence, there come His revelations.

To have God’s revelations is to have wisdom. That explains our need to read His word – the Bible. Have you ever had a moment when God revealed something to you? If yes, great! If the response is no, I pray that you would in the future.

Ps. Paul ended it by encouraging us to let Uzziah die. Let our pride die.

Following it was Ps. Hiram’s message about miracle. In all honesty, I was not wholehearted in topics like this. However, I still listened to his preaching.

He started it by reading the story of the hemorrhaging woman in Mark 5:25. I have heard this familiar story many times; but every time I hear this, my heart breaks.

25 And a woman was there who had been subject to bleeding for twelve years. 26 She had suffered a great deal under the care of many doctors and had spent all she had, yet instead of getting better she grew worse. 27 When she heard about Jesus, she came up behind him in the crowd and touched his cloak, 28 because she thought, “If I just touch his clothes, I will be healed.” 29 Immediately her bleeding stopped and she felt in her body that she was freed from her suffering.

30 At once Jesus realized that power had gone out from him. He turned around in the crowd and asked, “Who touched my clothes?”

31 “You see the people crowding against you,” his disciples answered, “and yet you can ask, ‘Who touched me?’ ”

32 But Jesus kept looking around to see who had done it. 33 Then the woman, knowing what had happened to her, came and fell at his feet and, trembling with fear, told him the whole truth. 34 He said to her, “Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering.”

35 While Jesus was still speaking, some people came from the house of Jairus, the synagogue leader. “Your daughter is dead,” they said. “Why bother the teacher anymore?”

The story of the bleeding woman has impacted many lives. In fact, this was the word I shared to the youth and young professional in a local church. From this story, Ps. Hiram talked about three points on how to receive your miracles.

First, we should listen to the right word. In verse 27, the hemorrhaging woman heard about Jesus coming to the town. Just like us, not all things we hear should be listened to. Start listening to the right words!

Second, we should get close to Jesus. In the same verse, we could see that the bleeding woman pressed herself against the crowd to Jesus. She tried to get close to the healer. When she had the chance, she touched the cloak of Jesus.

Lastly, we should entertain miracle thoughts. In the succeeding verse, the woman thought to herself if she could be able to touch him, she would be healed. We all know what happened next. After she touched it, Jesus felt the power released and asked the crowd who’d touched him.

Trembling on what she heard, the woman told what and why she did so. Only to hear him say, “Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering.

Then, Ps. Hiram concluded it by telling the congregation to intentionally find a prayer partner (someone you don’t know personally) right that very moment and pray for your partner’s healing.

I found someone in front of our seats and his name is Raymond. Raymond has a problem with his skin (mostly upper body and his armpit). I started to pray for him and commanded the sickness to subside and be completely healed.

Then, Raymond started asking me about the sickness I wanted to be gone. Do you still remember what I mentioned in my previous post? There was pain between my thumb and point finger. I told him that, and my hoarse voice due to sore throat, which was itching and aching. He started to release his prayers and right then, my throat was comforted and I couldn’t feel the need to forcefully cough to relieve it. Also, the pain between my fingers was relieved. After he prayed, I pinched and pressed using my right hand to know if there was still pain. To tell you honestly, it was all gone. I was amazed at that moment.

Before the next speaker was called on stage, the ushers told that those who occupy Gen Ad seats could now transfer to Upper Box seats. After looking and assessing the situation, we decided to stay in our seats. Fortunately, we were the only two people left there and were able to find more comfortable seats.

Ps. Jerome Ocampo focused his message on the youth, and asked the congregation aged from 35 and below to stand. Of course, I did. He encouraged us with the words that we, millenials, are the most powerful generation that this world has ever had. He also asked the older generation to stand, extend their hands and pray for us. At that moment, God empowered our generation.

He began the message with lots of statistics concerning this generation. He also said that we belong to the most prophesied generation, sadly, the most under challenged generation. However, a number of statistics presented have been telling us that we are also the most attacked generation.

Ps. Jerome explained many reasons why we are attacked. He emphasized that there are three identified great needs of this generation.

This generation needs to have destiny. As we all know, this is the generation that pursues what they want (Esther 4:14). They want to get what they dream about. If they aren’t given destiny, their energy will be wasted.

This generation needs to have militancy. In Songs of Solomon 6:10,

10 “Who is this, arising like the dawn,
    as fair as the moon,
as bright as the sun,
    as majestic as an army with billowing banners?”

Most importantly, this generation needs to have family. Our young people need to belong, to be appreciated and to be loved. They should be part of Christ’s family (Colossians 3:15).


We are dismissed for a dinner break. After that, Rick Pino led us in worship. As expected, it was Spirit-filled. It revealed many things – new beginnings, gifts, empowerment, and identity that is anchored in the Father. An hour of worship.

To end the conference, Heidi Baker was the last to preach. Touched by the worship celebration, she called Rick on stage again to lead the congregation in worship. Back in South Africa, she is used to worshipping God for hours and even for days. So we continued.

And there I saw visions. I posted it in FB.

https://www.facebook.com/davidssanjose/posts/10211502590101577

I see walls being struck down right now
chains being loose
seas parting
kingdoms falling
castles crashing
raging storms calming
cold hearts turning into flesh
slaves fleeing
prophecies fulfilling

How do you respond to these? Thank you to the Great I Am 🙏🏻

This continued for almost an hour. Heidi shared many of her stories about miracles and healing.

Going home after the conference, many lessons came and have been pondered on. I learned to believe completely. I learned to get close to the One Who heals and does miracles. I cannot just limit on my mind what our God can do in our lives. I cannot wait to attend conferences this 2017.

In Christ,

David